Why She Longed For Domestic Discipline

Constance is a relatively recent convert to the domestic discipline lifestyle. It’s not for everyone, but it’s for her, and she’s written the first part of a domestic discipline guide that includes her explanation of why she longed for domestic discipline:

What took me long time to understand was that, as a woman, I want to be submissive; I like to obey and I need a stronger, guiding power in my life. I want someone who cares for me, loves me, holds me dear, but also disciplines me and who is generally an anchor in my life.

Mark, and pretty much all the other men I meet before him, wanted an equal relationship. He really believed in the 50 / 50 share. And he never wanted to steer or guide my life, far from it. As a woman, and I’m 100% not the only one, I felt in this situation some kind of power vacuum. Nobody was leading.

[So] I became snarky, bratty, and so on. I regularly started arguments for the sake of getting angry. If a man just lets everything slide and doesn’t show me the borders, I lose my respect for him.

I needed my husband to discipline me, to control me, to steer me. That was the void I always had: no one steered me, yet I yearned it.

As a woman, personally I don’t want to lead. I want to follow. My husband, instead, is my leader. It’s the natural order (for me). He enforces his authority over me in whatever way he sees fit.

Link via Chross.

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  1. Sarah commented on September 29th, 2015:

    I find the continued theme of “as a woman” throughout this writing extremely irritating. Yes I know there’s the odd qualifier of “for me” etc. but the former definatly overrides the latter in the way the text comes across. Not all women feel the same way! Even those who enjoy playing a submissive role in their sex lives. Not all women, as women, want to be submissive in the rest of their lives too.

  2. SpankBoss commented on September 29th, 2015:

    Sarah, I know what you mean. There are women who understand submission as an aspect of womanhood, and women who (although submissive in chosen areas of their lives) do not think it’s “because I’m a woman” and are offended by that opinion. Constance, I think, may be one of the former, based on clues in her text such as the one you notice. IMO she is careful not to say so outright, but if the opinion itself irritates you, all her “IMO, for me” disclaimers probably won’t rescue her in your eyes.

    Me, I’m not taking a position; I’m neither a woman nor submissive. I figure every woman deserves to be engaged on her own terms, and her submission (if offered) honored within whatever limits she understands it to have. (Likewise submissive men — I’m not carving them out into a different category, I’m just not including them in this specific conversation.)

  3. blitzblau commented on September 29th, 2015:

    The human brain wires itself up over years of nurturing, and that’s why we are all a mix of a little vs a lot across so many things. The first female chinese empress forced her foreign diplomats to eat her out. So I agree, Sarah. My opinion is that we have instincts for bdsm based on the deplorable selective advantage of 1000s of years of accepting subjugation as slaves or captives and getting hot over it to get along better – and live. See Stockholm Syndrome on wikipedia for its other influences.

    Another conclusion is that spanking kids…turns some of them on… and probably reinforces acceptance of tyranny in aspects of adult life for all, and should be avoided. That’s the wiring I speak of, classic nature + nurture.

    The other point is that the genes (epigenetic also) aren’t sex specific of course as male/boy slaves were disgustingly used as well.

    Otherwise loved the post – I just read it as as-a-{self-identifing-sub}-woman.

  4. Cherry commented on October 1st, 2015:

    Gotta agree with Sara on this one. The way this is written leaves a bad taste in my mouth, Constance does not speak for me “as a woman”.
    I do admit though, as a woman for whom the spanking dynamic is 100% sexual, my first instinct when I read this kind of thing is to reel back and think “woah! That’s not healthy!” so maybe I’m being a hypocrite and I’m just as bad as Constance in thinking that my personal preference is the only “right” way to be a spanko.

  5. SpankBoss commented on October 1st, 2015:

    I really don’t think Constance was trying to speak for any other women, but I do understand why some are parsing her words that way.

  6. Sarah commented on October 1st, 2015:

    I must admit I was a little nervous making the comment, fearing a backlash of angry comments aimed back at me!

    Spank boss – I agree with you that I don’t think it was intended. I just felt that an undercurrent was present in the writing – I am woman so I should be spanked – was how it read to me, as opposed to I’m a person and one of my choices is to be spanked. I just prefer my spank porn, written or othwrwise, without a side helping of sexism. For me my gender doesn’t dictate my place in, well, anything. The piece left a bit of a bad taste in my mouth, not a feeling I’m used to coming away from one of your re(re)posts with.

  7. Sarah commented on October 1st, 2015:

    Ps. I very much enjoy your blog, have done for years and Im sure will continue to do so for as long as you choose to continue. Thanks for all of your efforts over the years!

  8. SpankBoss commented on October 1st, 2015:

    Sarah, no problem, and thanks for the kind words. I guess I would respond that (leaving Constance out of it) there clearly are some women in the spanking/BDSM/kink world who do conceptualize their submission as an aspect of their gender. I can’t really tell them they’re wrong, because that would be me, a man, saying”womaning, you’re doing it wrong”, which is a sort of thing I try to avoid. And, as long as they aren’t saying “womaning, you’re doing it wrong” to other women, I’m interested in hearing about their experience of spanking and submission and womanhood, just as I am in hearing about those from anybody else. I do apologize if that leaves a bad taste in your mouth, though.

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