Sex & Marriage Advice For Vanillas

So Quiver was talking about that all-too-common issue in vanilla marriages:

Ken and Nicki are having trouble, she is in the stereotypical wife mode of not wanting sex and it is breaking his heart and affecting his feeling of self worth.

One of the reasons some women behave this way is because they can. They know you are there for them no matter what. You are good men who take your family responsibilities seriously. They know you won’t stray and if you do they have the ultimate power. They can divorce you and take your kids, money, and house. Sucks badly, but that’s the way it is. They put you in the position that you have to beg for sex, it’s demeaning and unhealthy. Unfortunately, there is no cure.

What can you do? Trying to please her in every way does not guarantee she will suddenly want to fuck you on a regular basis, usually it just means she won�t bitch at you as often. Good luck guys, you might try a firm spanking and a good fistful of hair too but that may lead to different problems.

Oh my, indeed it may! Problems like sirens and handcuffs. On the other hand, faint heart never won fair lady. In Quiver’s comments, someone by the handle of “Observer” expanded on this strategy:

If all else fails (or if you prefer, before trying anything else) put her over your knee and with one arm firmly around her waist to hold her in place, yank her knickers down and spank her bare bottom very hard until she howls. Then spank her vigorously again until she begs at the top of her voice to be allowed to spread her legs and offers her pussy (which will probably be glistening wet by now). Then allow her to service your cock in whichever way you please. A woman who has just been spanked often sucks exquisitely well, and on her knees doing it she can look deliciously beautiful, so that may be a good starting place.

Later Observer expanded on this advice in a fashion which proves that, if nothing else, he’s given the matter a lot of thought:

Perhaps the easy way to end up with her over your knee is to wait until she is sexually receptive (and by that I mean get your woman with with a wet little pussy, having been worked up with your fingers until she making the little squealy, gaspy sounds that she makes when she is hoping to come soon), and then when she involuntarily spreads her legs wider tell her what a naughty girl she is and how she deserves to be put across your knee and spanked before she is allowed to come. Then just do it. Ignore mild resistance. Get your arm round her waist to hold her down and prevent excessive wriggling.

Unless you are totally confident in her and you know she has been spanked before, don’t ignore strenuous resistance. In my experience very few girls refuse. Then spank her, but don’t go mad. After every dozen or so light spanks, keep her wet by stroking your fingers along her pussy lips, dipping into her at will. Gently stroke the insides of her thighs to keep her legs spread. Ease your thumb inside her wet cunt and seek out her g-spot, and make her come like that or with your fingers fluidly circling her clit. As she starts to come down from her orgasm, spank her again – a little harder until she has developed a lovely red blush and is beginning to be a little vocal. Then fuck her thoroughly – or have her kneel and suck you first. Make her come again. Prolong her orgasms to build her desire. Your cock will be extra hard so you can easily have her two or three times, especially if you hold back from pumping all of your hot , creamy sperm into her in one exquisite go (training guys!)

Once you have spanked her like this once, she will soon find herself over your knee again. And she will take it harder next time. Before long, if you have not scared her in your early sexual domination of your conquest, she will have a red hot arse, to be direct about it, on a regular basis. And yelling her pretty head off.

Great advice, if you’re lucky enough to be dealing with one of those ladies who wants a little more dominance, excitement, danger, or challenge in her life.
Brutally bad advice if you have the misfortune of dealing with one of those few who genuinely wants a well-trained male-shaped pet and provider. Silver lining: If you are so unlucky to have married one of these women of the latter sort, after you make bail you’ll know for sure what you are dealing with and can make appropriate changes in your personal life.

  1. Danor commented on March 10th, 2005:

    Actually, I can’t think of any circumstances under which that’s good advice. And I say that as a submissive woman and spanking devotee, and as one who believes that spanking and D/s are fantastic relationship enhancers. But if my heretofore vanilla boyfriend/husband pulled me over his lap and started spanking me (or calling me a “naughty girl”) with no warning, no discussion, and no consent on my part, I strongly doubt that my response would be anything like the ones “Observer” posits. More along the lines of a swift knee to the balls and/or an “Exactly what the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

    Men should be aware that even if they are lucky enough to have snagged a natural submissive who really wants to be spanked/disciplined/submissive, treating women like objects or small children is still a really bad idea.

  2. Spankboss commented on March 10th, 2005:

    Danor, I was a little worried the sarcasm of my “great advice” line wouldn’t carry through into print,and it sounds like it didn’t.

    It’s only great advice if it works – and for all the reasons you say, it’s hugely unlikely to work on any woman worth having.

    As I hinted in the main post, I’m guessing that Observer is sharing a fantasy of his, while using the common literary device of presenting said fantasy as lived experience.

  3. Danor commented on March 10th, 2005:

    Oh good, I was hoping you were being sarcastic. Just wanted to clarify in case more men of Observer’s ilk should read and go “Hey, this dude knows what he’s talking about… maybe I should just go for it, huh?” :-P

  4. Spankboss commented on March 10th, 2005:

    Ok, after a night’s sleep I realize I’m being a bit schizo on this subject. I was being mostly sarcastic, but my original post does contain a sort of narrow and heavily-qualified endorsement of the “just go for it” program, and I shouldn’t deny that. Upon reflection, I think I am of the opinion that:

    a) This is a very bad idea for the purely practical reason that you can go to jail, and if you do, you’ll deserve it;

    b) This is a very bad idea because any woman worth having as a life partner will probably have too much self-respect to let you get away with it, absent prior consent etc.;

    but

    c) If you are in a relationship with a woman who is denying you sex as a “because she can” power game in order to wrap you around her little finger and keep you as a sniveling man-pet, consideration (b) does not obtain because in the medium-and-long-terms you need to run far and fast away from that woman anyway;

    and

    d) there is in fact (based on anecdotal evidence and some peripheral personal experience) a subset of the women in category (c) who would, in fact, temporarily abandon their bitchy controlling ways and give you some hot monkey lovin’ if treated as Observer suggests;

    and, therefore,

    e) in the limited circumstance that you’ve allowed your heart and genitalia to be trampled by a woman in category (c) and you’re now aware of your mistake, and undeterred by the risks in category (a), and further suspect your category (c) woman also falls in category (d), it’s possible, and might be fun, to assay Observer’s program and enjoy the benefits thereof before running far and fast as prudence and sound judgment mandate.

    Having reasoned that through, I can say I still wouldn’t recommend it because it’s both unethical and fraught with various sorts of peril for both parties. But I can see the fantasy value of it.

  5. Danor commented on March 10th, 2005:

    OK, I get it. :-)

  6. observer commented on March 10th, 2005:

    I can’t believe that this innocent piece of fun text ON A BDSM BLOG (ie not a serious relationship counseling site) has wound you people up so much. Please remove head from arsehole and lighten up! Can’t you see a wind up when you see it? Chill guys.

  7. Danor commented on March 10th, 2005:

    Hmm… observer, are you saying that bad relationship advice shouldn’t be contradicted unless it appears on a “serious relationship counselling site”? I’m not wound up, merely pointing out an inaccuracy. :-)

  8. observer commented on March 10th, 2005:

    Nope – I am saying it was written as an experiment to see what reaction it got – not as advice! Thsi is not the place to look for serious advice…..

  9. nina commented on March 10th, 2005:

    I for one got very turned on reading Observer’s comments (and I went and read the whole thing over at Quiver). But I guess that’s one of the points being made–it totally depends on the woman in question.

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