Sex & Marriage Advice For Vanillas

So Quiver was talking about that all-too-common issue in vanilla marriages:

Ken and Nicki are having trouble, she is in the stereotypical wife mode of not wanting sex and it is breaking his heart and affecting his feeling of self worth.

One of the reasons some women behave this way is because they can. They know you are there for them no matter what. You are good men who take your family responsibilities seriously. They know you won’t stray and if you do they have the ultimate power. They can divorce you and take your kids, money, and house. Sucks badly, but that’s the way it is. They put you in the position that you have to beg for sex, it’s demeaning and unhealthy. Unfortunately, there is no cure.

What can you do? Trying to please her in every way does not guarantee she will suddenly want to fuck you on a regular basis, usually it just means she won�t bitch at you as often. Good luck guys, you might try a firm spanking and a good fistful of hair too but that may lead to different problems.

Oh my, indeed it may! Problems like sirens and handcuffs. On the other hand, faint heart never won fair lady. In Quiver’s comments, someone by the handle of “Observer” expanded on this strategy:

If all else fails (or if you prefer, before trying anything else) put her over your knee and with one arm firmly around her waist to hold her in place, yank her knickers down and spank her bare bottom very hard until she howls. Then spank her vigorously again until she begs at the top of her voice to be allowed to spread her legs and offers her pussy (which will probably be glistening wet by now). Then allow her to service your cock in whichever way you please. A woman who has just been spanked often sucks exquisitely well, and on her knees doing it she can look deliciously beautiful, so that may be a good starting place.

Later Observer expanded on this advice in a fashion which proves that, if nothing else, he’s given the matter a lot of thought:

Perhaps the easy way to end up with her over your knee is to wait until she is sexually receptive (and by that I mean get your woman with with a wet little pussy, having been worked up with your fingers until she making the little squealy, gaspy sounds that she makes when she is hoping to come soon), and then when she involuntarily spreads her legs wider tell her what a naughty girl she is and how she deserves to be put across your knee and spanked before she is allowed to come. Then just do it. Ignore mild resistance. Get your arm round her waist to hold her down and prevent excessive wriggling.

Unless you are totally confident in her and you know she has been spanked before, don’t ignore strenuous resistance. In my experience very few girls refuse. Then spank her, but don’t go mad. After every dozen or so light spanks, keep her wet by stroking your fingers along her pussy lips, dipping into her at will. Gently stroke the insides of her thighs to keep her legs spread. Ease your thumb inside her wet cunt and seek out her g-spot, and make her come like that or with your fingers fluidly circling her clit. As she starts to come down from her orgasm, spank her again – a little harder until she has developed a lovely red blush and is beginning to be a little vocal. Then fuck her thoroughly – or have her kneel and suck you first. Make her come again. Prolong her orgasms to build her desire. Your cock will be extra hard so you can easily have her two or three times, especially if you hold back from pumping all of your hot , creamy sperm into her in one exquisite go (training guys!)

Once you have spanked her like this once, she will soon find herself over your knee again. And she will take it harder next time. Before long, if you have not scared her in your early sexual domination of your conquest, she will have a red hot arse, to be direct about it, on a regular basis. And yelling her pretty head off.

Great advice, if you’re lucky enough to be dealing with one of those ladies who wants a little more dominance, excitement, danger, or challenge in her life.
Brutally bad advice if you have the misfortune of dealing with one of those few who genuinely wants a well-trained male-shaped pet and provider. Silver lining: If you are so unlucky to have married one of these women of the latter sort, after you make bail you’ll know for sure what you are dealing with and can make appropriate changes in your personal life.

Spanking And Sex…In The Same Movie?

Yeah, we all know that never seems to happen.

Except that these days, it does, if you know where to look. Which is why I’ve recently started linking to Far East Media. At Far East Media they take spankings a little further (some of their scenes are “spanked to tears” intense) and a lot sexier (a lot of their movies include after-the-spanking sex) than most producers of spanking porn. The girls are pretty:

far east media girl Gianna with blazing spanked bottom

And the bottoms get red:

far east media girl with a whipped red bottom

And then they have sex, just like a lot of real spankos do.

(The screen capture is from the movie Jesmi: Spanked And Ass-Fucked. The promotional still above that features Gianna, star of Gianna: Spanked.)

See Also:

This Is The Life

Yesterday morning was pretty close to unbeatable. It went down sorta like this.

I woke up early, and snuggled for a bit with Bethie, who was still sound asleep. Got up, made a pot of coffee, and puttered around on the computer, posting the blog post below and doing this and that.

Doorbell rings. Huh? Ah, postman. What’s this? A box from Eros Boutique, and it clanks and jingles most promisingly. They had sent me an email inquiring whether I wanted some review goodies, and I had allowed as to how my girlfriend wanted a leather paddle.

Rip tear shred rip rustle tear shred. Box open. Sure enough! The Gentle Persuasion Paddle. Thick, supple black leather, smells good, nice fleece on the back side for surprise tactile rewards. Surprisingly large, surprisingly heavy, very promising. Yum. This is going to be fun.

On cue (no Hollywood director could have timed it better!) comes a sleepy voice from the bed:

“What you got there, dear?” (There is a ripple in the water.)

“Oh, nothing, just a box from Eros Boutique.” (I waft the fly gently over the ripple.)

“Bring it here, I want to see too….” (Splash! Fish on!)

So I dutifully repaired to the bed with my box, demanded one of the three pillows she was hogging so I could sit upright in comfort, waited for her to clear the sleep from her eyes, and produced the paddle. I could see in her eyes, she liked the sight of it. Since she was on her side with a hip and part of a buttock conveniently in range, I gave her a few quick light slaps. That produced an immediate faint rosy glow and a pleased smile on her face. I brought the paddle back toward my face to inspect it, when “Hey! Don’t I get to feel the other side, too?” (Remember, this thing has a fleece side.)

Ladies and gentlemen, I can now report that the fleece side of a heavy paddle makes an interesting muffled “thwock” sound when it strikes human flesh.

That earned me a dirty look. So I shook the box. Clank clonk jingle rattle. Sounded like a hardware store in a box. She had to ask, she’s a girl and they are curious like kittens. “What else is in there?”

“What else” turned out to be the Wrist – Ankle Spreader. I was stunned; this is high quality bondage gear of the sort you used to see a lot of in the bondage magazines. No “broomstick painted black with screw-eyes in the ends” here! This thing is telescoping steel tubing of decent weight with a steel hinge on each end that rotates in two dimensions to protect the attached ankles or wrists from getting torqued at funny angles. The hinge attaches to lockable leather cuffs made of thick high quality leather – the sort of cuffs having a lot of narrow slots in the leather, one of which settles over a metal loop through which you can put a padlock (not included). The cuffs are riveted to the curved endplates attached to the hinges, so any sideways pressure against the ends of the spreader is well distributed. Very nice.

So I flopped Bethie onto her front and attached the spreader to her ankles. That spread her legs far enough that I could reach a bit of inner thigh as I played with my new paddle, and it also kept her a little less mobile during her wiggling. After she was nice and red (Q: “How does it feel?” A: “Stingy….” Q: “Do you like it?” A: “Yeah….”) I helped her roll over, which was tricky but possible with care and assistance. Then I lifted the middle of the spreader bar, which gave me a whole new angle on her bottom and inner thighs. She doesn’t like having her thighs spanked so much, but that novel display was too good to pass up, so she was out of luck … although I did rub with the fleece side between swats, which she seemed to appreciate.

So I did that for awhile, and began to regret having left her panties on before attaching the spreader. And she began to cast about for ways to distract me, and hit upon the suggestion that I let her loose so she could cook us breakfast. I wavered (there were forces in play more important than my stomach, if you can believe it) but she claimed hunger, and I relented. I took the spreader bar off, and let her stand up.

But once she was standing up, I pulled down her panties, bent her over the bed, and said “I want to see what this thing will do if I really swing it. This will only take a few minutes.”

With my full arm behind that paddle, the big surface area of leather turns out to make a noise like Thor’s own thunder. It also produces a great deal of wriggling and squealing and “please oh please ouch” noises, which I generally prefer to interpret as requests to continue. (The paddle could stand to be just a smidge stiffer in the handle when used this way, but that’s a very minor quibble.)

So then I stopped and let her straighten up, and she kisses me. And kisses me. And grabs me in a most friendly fashion. (Never let anybody tell you that boxer shorts don’t have certain advantages over briefs.) And pushes me over on the bed. “I thought you were hungry and wanted to make us breakfast?” “Shush, this will only take a few minutes.”

Mmmmmmm. Unluckily for you, this ain’t a sex blog.

And then she did make me French Toast.

I ask you, how could a morning go better than that? I do believe I should put the fine folks at Eros Boutique on my Christmas card list.

No Spanking Personals Please

Although I’m flattered by the idea that someone thought it would work, the comments here at Spanking Blog are not an appropriate place to post spanking personals. Accordingly, I’ve deleted one that said, in its entirety:

iwant to make relation with one
women who like be spanking

I trust my female readers will not be unduly distressed that I have failed to reproduce the accompanying email address?

My advice to spanking lovelorn guys: there are a startling number of women out there who want to be spanked and say they can’t find a man to do the job. The thing is, most of them aren’t going to want to meet you right away — that’s just too dangerous and freaky. So go and find yourself an online spanking community based around a bulletin board system (Spanking Classics is a good one) and participate on the boards. Be yourself, be fun and funny if you can pull it off, and above all, be honest about who you are. Keep at it (we are talking months, here) and before you know it, women who now know you and like you will start sending you friendly emails and IMs on totally innocuous subjects. What you do then is left as an exercise for the student. Trust me, you’ll be harvested.

I speak from (happy) experience here.

The Smiling Spanker

This is in the nature of one of those old hand-tinted postcards, which were made by watercolor painting on black-and-white photographs. However, something about the colors suggests to me that it’s a recent Photoshop “improvement” on an uncolored image. Does anybody have the unaltered image?

smiling girl spanks another

The Different Kinds Of Spankings

Amber has written an interesting essay on the different kinds of spankings in her marriage — disciplinary, authoritative, reassurance, playful, and erotic. But what I liked best was her summation, because it’s a refreshing counterpart to all the blogs and journals and articles out there by people who have found the One True Spanking Answer For Everyone:

Now, there are all kinds of theories regarding the spankings themselves and when it should or should not be used and many people feel very strongly about their own particular theory.

Some people believe that spanking should never be done before sex because we moronic women might start “acting out” like Pavlov’s dogs in order to receive the sex that we really want but are apparently unable to ask for. Other people believe it’s wrong to ever use spanking erotically in any way whatsoever (so help you God). And even more people who believe disciplinary spankings are completely outrageous and spankings should ONLY be used erotically in an official BDSM “scene” and those of us who use spanking as actual discipline in a relationship have completely lost our minds.

Dan and I started out with our own very rigid ideas about spanking too, mostly because we didn’t know much about it and the unknown can be a scary thing. It’s funny to read some of the early entries and how determined we were on keeping erotic apart from discipline and how discipline spankings were only to be used as a last resort. As time has gone on and the discipline spankings have become less awkward, we’ve relaxed about all that.

When it happens, it happens. Does it really matter why if it works for whatever we’re using it for?

No indeed, it does not!

Busy Busy Invidia

There’s a nice new look at the top of The Collar Purple today. What’s more, Invidia has done a yummy portrait of Blonde rubbing her bottom.

Uh, that last “her” refers to Blonde, not Invidia. Although the other way around makes for an interesting mental image.

Go take a look, and then send Invidia nice emails. She likes her some nice emails!