Spanking Blog: Adult Erotic Spanking At Its Best

No, really, the sexy kind. Metafilter has this really incredible set of links to the forums on Bondage.com, consisting of transcripts of hilarious phone conversations a kinky man has with his mother, after (1) she has taken a job in a sex shop; (2) she has discovered her son is kinky, and (3) she’s met a submissive man with a foot fetish. Just one small sample:

Mom: I think I might be what they call a switch.

Me: What?!

Mom: Well, I’m not really sure. Will you answer a question?

Me: Sure, soon as I’m done spewing my lunch up.

Mom: Stop it, Kirk. You don’t know how upset I’ve been with you for finding this out about you. (You? You?! Wtf? It’s all about you, isn’t it.)

Me: I know you mom, but what’s done is done, and what is- is exactly the opposite of what ain’t.

Mom: Well at least you’re not like the customers in the store.

Me: I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing. Why do you think you’re a switch?

Mom: Because when your father and I used to go away on camping trips, I really liked being spanked.

Me – … (My life expectancy is seriously dwindling here.)

Mom: Well? Doesn’t that mean I might be a switch?

Me: … Is nothing sacred to you?

Mom: For petes sake, kirky. You have NO IDEA how hard it is to think that YOU are like this! And now, I’m caught up in it! I went to church on Sunday and I had to leave in the middle!

Me: Yah, I hate those conflicting church/spanking schedules.

Mom: That’s not funny.

Me: Neither is the thought of dad spanking you. (Remember your first roller coaster ride? And all the nausea that accompanied it?)

Mom: Well it was fun at the time. (I can HEAR her smiling. This is just evil.)

One might be forgiven for doubting whether these transcripts match actual phone calls, but there’s a certain undeniable “nobody could make that up” flavor to the things.

Thanks to Daze Reader for the link.

How would you like to trade traffic with a bunch of spanking-related websites? If that sounds good, you should consider signing up to trade with my spanking toplist.

If toplists are new to you, the basic idea is a list of links (usually with banners) that every participating member links to. The people who send the most hits get ranked highest on the page, and (in theory) get more hits back. Because people click on more than one link at the toplist, it serves as a traffic multiplier; done right, everybody gets back more traffic than they send.

I originally set up my toplist to try and expand the traffic to Spanking Blog, back when I didn’t have very many readers. And it worked fairly well, at first. Unfortunately, toplists are vulnerable to cheating; there are a dozen ways to send fake hits, get ranked dishonestly high, and skim the traffic from the honest participants. Because I was using free software that lacked anti-cheat features, my toplist eventually attracted cheaters. You could see it just by looking at the numbers; the “hits in” numbers at the top of the page were immensely bigger than the “hits out” numbers, because most of the “hits in” were fake, having been generated by click-bots.

Well, I rocked along for awhile just by deleting the most obvious cheaters, but it wasn’t enough. So finally I bit the bullet, upgraded to the paid-for professional version of the toplist script, and got serious about weeding out the cheaters. I had to set up a gateway page and turn on a bunch of anti-cheat features, after which it quickly became clear who the cheaters were. They’re gone now, and you can see at a glance that the toplist is healthy again. Everybody is getting more traffic than they send.

All sorts of web pages are welcome, from blogs to journals to home pages to pay sites. If you have a page with a spanking or BDSM theme, you should give it a try. It actually works best for people with tiny sites; sending one or two hits is enough to get you on the list for a couple of weeks, and even WAAAY down at the bottom of the list, you’ll still probably get fifty or more return visitors in that time.

(Another good toplist for adult blogs of all sorts is Cunning Linguists. )

In the comments over at Spanking Bethie, someone writes:

The thick twisted red Twizzler licorice sticks make for really nasty spanking tools. The 12 inchers are bad, but the 24 inch ones they sell around Halloween are murder. Black twizzlers break, red ones don’t — and they really really hurt!!!!! Just so you know.

Sounds like she speaks from experience!

Patty had to ask for a spanking the other day. I quote the asking part, you’ll have to read for yourself the (hard) spanking part. And, of course, the part with the “after the spanking” activities. (“Bad, naughty Zoot!”)

I let Fred spend enough time to do all the bills and the budget in Quicken. Partly while I got up my nerve, but also because I know it puts him in just the right kind of mood to be able to spank really hard. Then I knocked on the door to the den with Bethany’s paddle tucked up behind my back.

My timing wasn’t quite perfect, because he wasn’t quite done, but my interruption was OK with him.

“Hey there?”

“”Hi.” I know I sounded nervous, because I could feel myself trembling and my face flushed.

The concern on his face was immediate. I think he was afraid something was wrong for a second, and then I reached out the paddle to him and his expression changed immediately. “Hard?” He knew right away why I was there and what I needed.

“Yes please.”

“You’ve been working up to this for days haven’t you?”

I just nodded, because my mouth dried up. I knew then that he’d been waiting to let me get to a place where I could ask this time, and that he was more than ready to apply all his frustrations and curbed annoyances into giving me what I needed.

“Come here,” he pushed his chair away from the desk and around away from other obstructions and pointed to the floor by his feet.

Second, third and fourth thoughts flooded through me before I obeyed him, but my need defeated them all and I moved to where he told me to go.

“Pull your pants down Patty,” he sounded annoyed that I hadn’t already started to do that.

Here’s a story that vividly combines figging and spanking in the best Victorian tradition.

Except for, um, er, one little detail. It’s a slash story, meaning it features male/male action between a couple of characters from popular fiction. This one is for the ladies, then — who, I am told, comprise the vast majority of the fan base for slash.

Something blunt and wet nudged at his arsehole–much cooler than anything else that had touched him so far. A push, another, and it was inside him, was shoved in deeper until the ring of muscle closed down around a narrower neck set into the thing. Draco shuddered as Harry released his buttocks and stepped back, leaving the plug of ginger snug inside him.

“Now. Think your arse can take more?”

“Take more what?”

“Yes, I suppose it’ll have to.” Sound of something going swick through the air.

Then something hit him, hard. “Ow!” He jerked against the restraints. It had crossed his arse in an awful line, but the tip had struck like a knife on his arse. He craned his head around to look; it looked like a cane, but springier–taken from a tree, he guessed.

And Harry swung it hard enough to make him look away in panic. “Ow!” he yelled again as it struck, tip biting into the right side of his arse just under where it had hit the first time. And the length of it felt like it was going to welt his buttocks no less.

These were not coming as quickly as the paddling or the spanking had. Which was not a lot of comfort; he could tell that these blows required attention, to get them to land where you wanted them.

That was about the point when he noticed the effects of the ginger.

He’d thought it would sting. It did. But slowly; slowly getting his awareness that something uncomfortable was happening inside his bunghole, slowly starting to burn in that way that felt cool rather than hot, like ice that never warmed with your body temperature, and never numbed you, either.

The cane swacked down on him again. Even as he yelled, he felt the icy burn in his anus flare. Fuck! It was like lemon juice and menthol and pepper all at the same time, and yet it had its moments when it was worse, and when it receded. What the hell?

It took three more swacks of the cane before he realized. When the cane hit. When he clenched his buttocks each time it did. He tightened around the ginger and the burn would eagerly attack the lining of his arse. Oh, fuck.

“Don’t clench,” Harry said, chiding softly, just before he struck again.

Draco howled, clenched of course, and exploded, “Let me do it to you and we’ll see how well you do!” He hung over the sofa back–ribs not the least concern now–panting, thinking that was definitely not the right thing to say, under the circumstances.

But he doubted anything he said would have made it worse. Another swack. The burn went through his arse inside and out, both across and through–he didn’t know which was worse. Another. He hissed, tried to bite at the sofa upholstery, told himself not to clench at the next blow. Another. Oh, fuck, it was worse, not clenching one’s arse; the cane seemed to cut six inches deeper. Another. Ah, fuck, no, the fire of the ginger was worse! Fuck fuck fuck, which was it?

Harry’s fingers were on the ginger plug. He was taking it out–fuck, no, he was rotating it inside him, no, moving it back and forth a little, no! And then he’d stopped, left it where it was, and set his palms on the globes of Draco’s welted, red-hot arse, and pushed them together around the ginger, holding them there as Draco screeched and begged and suffered the full effects of the ginger and came within a hair of calling Harry the most evil fucker on the planet and threatening to kill him. Draco really, really didn’t want to go back to the beginning on this one.

From For Your Own Good by Amanuensis. Thanks to Eros Blog for the link.

See Also:

• Where's The Ginger? A Cautionary Tale
• Figging, Flogging, And Caning
• An Essay, With Ginger
• Spanking And Figging
• Figging Resources

This rather eye-opening anime cartoon immediately brings one question to my mind: How in the heck did that girl convince the Balrog to lend her his whip of flame?

Thanks to the Beaten Anime page at Beaten Asses for the picture.

From the Red Sneaker Diaries, a hot spanking, complete with pictures:

“And all you have to say about all this is that you’re sorry?” he asked, flatly. I tried to turn and look at him to say that I really was, when I was interrupted by a thwack on my right bum cheek (again!). I could feel it flushing, heat emanating from the outlines of the two hand slaps I could feel on my ass. Compared to the left (untouched) cheek, it felt hot enough to fry an egg. As I moaned, he again grabbed my hair and turned my face away. His rough hair tugging was sending silver shivers down my scalp to the base my spine, where it was mixing pleasantly with the heat collecting at the base of my spine from the warmth in my bum. And so I kept trying to look back at him.

His hand kept coming down, my face pushing into the pillow with each hit, ass wiggling in the air, shamelessly begging for more. At some point, he upped the intensity of the occasional smack from hard to ouch!, which changed everything. My ass dropped slightly, I swore loudly and turned to look at him angrily. He slowed, caressed, turned my head yet again and nudged me upwards. Soon enough, my ass was wiggling in the air with my stoicism freshly renewed. And then it was nothing but ouch! Oh, I pretty quickly numbed and floated away, swearing like a sailor, drooling on the pillow, ass however forever perky and wiggling, begging for just one more strike.

And one of the pretty pictures of the result:

Thanks, Red!