Spanking Blog: Adult Erotic Spanking At Its Best

Continuing the theme, this from Analyze Julie:

Overall, my biggest complaint: illiteracy. To any of the 106 responders I didn’t connect with: if you had just written a grammatically correct email, WE MIGHT BE HAVING SEX AT THIS VERY MOMENT. I wanted to give everyone a shot (not at having sex, but a shot at connecting with me, and that might have led to sex). I honestly think, out of the 110 responses I received, probably 90 contained bad grammar, misspellings, and/or were far too short to even glean any information about the responder. I’m not kidding: 90 out of 110. That means that I didn’t even have to evaluate 82% of the responses, because they’d already put themselves out of the running.

Like it or not, boys, spelling and punctuation matters.

Is it really possible I’ve resisted the temptation to post Girls Boarding School pictures for almost six weeks? I’ve got to fix that!

I found this nifty Bettie Page spanking photo on Usenet:

See Also:

• Bettie Page Shackled And Spanked
• Goodbye, Bettie
• The Bettie Page Spanking Blowjob
• Betty Page Spanking: The Movie
• Betty Page Spanking

Apropos the last post, from Mistress Matisse’s latest column on translating BDSM personal ads:

The ad says, “I AM A TRUE DOMINATE, I WANT VERY MUCH TO PLEAZE YOU.” The translation is, “I’m a horny Net geek with no fucking idea what any of this BDSM shit means. I’m just hoping some pussy falls onto my face.”

Indeed.

I try, I do try, to be nice to the people who write to me. But sometimes I get an email so breathtakingly lame that I just have to share. The subject line was “hey” and the complete message reads:

hey pretty lady any lady want spank nude male ass you make horny feeling hot sex night?

Wow.

The subject of how you tell that new person in your life that you’d like to spank them keeps coming up. Getting the timing right and doing it smoothly are not easy. Here’s another how-not-to-do-it anecdote for you. Talking about your toys on the first date, out of the blue? Efficient perhaps, but neither suave nor debonair. From Falafel Sex:

As we drive I find myself learning all about his riding crop that his previous “ladyfriend” had given him.

Me: Riding crop? Do you own a horse?

The Date: Grin… “No.”

Ohhhh kay.

Dude, what where you thinking?

Found a nice story combining spanking and figging. It’s called Robert’s Suprise and a little excerpt reads like this:

“It’s called ‘figging’, an old Victorian practice. Fresh ginger root,” he explained.

“Well, take it out!” I demanded.

“Excuse me?!!!”

“Um… please, sir, take it out. Please… it burns!” I pleaded, now wiggling like a worm on hot pavement over the ottoman, quickly learning that squeezing my bottom cheeks just made it worse.

“I think not, m’dear. In fact, it seems to be as effective as promised. I’m quite delighted!”

I clenched my teeth to prevent myself from telling him exactly what I thought of his new “delight” with a string of accompanying expletives. “Pleeease, sir, it REALLY burns!” is what I actually said. I was quite proud of my restraint.

“Now, for that caning…” he announced to my gratitude actually. Maybe it would take my mind off my flaming bumhole. “… to which six more strokes will be added for that disrespectful outburst.”

It didn’t. Six strokes with the cane that I barely felt, my concentration purely on that dastardly THING up my bum causing me such distress. Then six more strokes that I DID feel, only adding to my distress, my ass now ignited inside and out!

Via Figging.com.