Spanking Blog: Adult Erotic Spanking At Its Best

Here’s a pickup artist’s account of how he used spanking talk as part of his patter while chatting up women waiting in line to get into a club:

We go to the Bubble Lounge, and there are three cute girls in front of us, so I just start talking to them, “sorry I’m late, boss kept me at work, wouldn’t let me go, blah blah blah, he was whipping me, etc”. They totally are playing back, and I start getting one on one with the cute blonde girl, while my friends very cute wife talks to the other two. She totally likes the whips comments, and we talk about breaking out the whips on our second date. This is getting good, so I break out the classic, “I don’t know who your boyfriend is…but he is NOT spanking you enough.”

She looks at me, smiles, and says, “I don’t have a boyfriend.”

Promising!

The excerpt that follows is from near the end of a longer blog post that does much to set the scene. If you’re the type of blog reader who does click through, click through now — you’ll enjoy what follows much more in its original context.

If, however, you’re the type of blog reader who never clicks through, you’ll have to make do with the excerpt:

“Funny,” I said.

“What is?”

“I am. When you were listing all my qualities, you left out funny. I’m funny,” I reminded him.

He shook his head, “You’re funny, yeah. Anything else I forgot?”

“Yeah…I’m a good cocksucker.”

His head dropped into his hands and he shook it back in forth in resignation. “Jesus, Kristin. Why do you have to use language like that?”

“Sorry, should I have said fellatio?”

“Alright, finish your canolli. Time to go home,” he said in mock exasperation, as he searched the room for the waiter and our check. He was clearly enjoying my misbehavior. I’d never noticed this about him before.

“Uh oh…am in trouble, Theodore?”

“Kristin, finish it or I will. And, yes, you’re in trouble.”

“Can I have a spanking?” I requested. “I need to learn my lesson.”

“Good thing I’m a teacher, then,” he said…

This funny spanking statue was found, according to this, in a temple along the Yangtze river in China:

I’m sure there’s some complex folkloric/religous explanation. But who needs it?

In which Bonnie, channeling Miss Manacle, lays out the ten proper rules for a mannerly spanking. I’ve violated at least five of the ten:

Spankings seem a rather coarse activity to Miss Manacle, but she is assured that the participants are both willing and enthusiastic. Accordingly, we will henceforth not speak of these concerns. Assuming then that spankings are to be desired, there are a number of very common sense tips that can help to make our sessions more pleasant and harmonious.

1) As with any social function, a spanking should be initiated through an invitation and accepted with an explicit response. This arrangement helps to eliminate the possibility of embarrassing misunderstandings. The traditional engraved parchment may now be considered optional.

2) Always line up your implements neatly and work from the outside inward. There is simply no excuse for picking up a salad spoon during the main course.

3) During most spankings, it is necessary to expose skin that is not normally visible in polite society. In order to preserve some semblance of dignity for the person so revealed, editorial comments regarding shape, firmness, or color should be strictly avoided.

Bonnie, somebody needs to tell Miss Manacle about barbarians!

Bethie says I have strange opinions about what’s cute. But a pretty girl with her face all squinched up — how could this not be cute?

Of course she’s getting spanked, just as she should be. From Real Spankings.

If you’ve seen much modern porn, you’ll have stumbled over the MILF acronym. “Mothers I’d Love To…” Well, you get the idea. (And if you don’t, there’s a hilarious pro-MILF rant over on ErosBlog that will clue you in.)

Well, Matt, it turns out, has a thing for spanking moms. This is buried in a long long long report on a Shadow Lane spanking party/convention, so I’ll quote the MILS (sigh, not as snappy an acronym) paragraphs:

You know, please don’t ask me to have favorites – I play with a lot of different women who are a lot of different types of women – younger, older, long-time friends and new acquaintances, emotional, detached, chaste, erotic, discipline, role play, and just for fun. Some are in shallow scenes and others let me get into their heads; some have gym-hardened butts and others have pillow-soft bottoms. So when I say I like one thing it doesn’t mean I dislike the opposite – just that that one trait happened to add to the experience this particular time.

Having said that and ready to make a sweeping generalization, you know what I like about moms? They’re so grounded. Yes, I may be in the Scene for the drama of it, but I appreciate the way that nothing at the party is going to affect them all that much – it’s not that big a part of their life, it’s not their identity, they’re not asking me to validate their existence. And I think this frees them to enjoy playing more. In my experience moms play with you the way they want or they find someone else – after all, if you’re not looking for a relationship. just a guy with a strong arm and a reasonable amount of respect, there’s no lack of candidates.

In which SpungeBob Squarepants goes to Burning Man, has grand spanking adventures:

Found on Flickr.