Spanking: The Gateway Fetish

While working on projects like her SpankSeek spanking personals and spanko community site, Bethie encounters a lot of people at varying stages of kink acceptance. Many of them are so conflicted about their spanking fetish that they’ve tried to redefine it as “mainstream” or somehow “not kinky” … and they are so invested in the idea that spanking isn’t kinky that they take enormous umbrage at innocent questions like “Do you have any other kinks?” They’ll explode with “How DARE you! Spanking isn’t kinky! Why…” and go on like that that for six hundred words.

Thus, I really laughed and enjoyed this account by Ten of the way spanking was treated at a kink event called Fusion:

You see, I’m a spanko first and foremost. My fetish as long as I can remember was spanking… Over-the-knee, Domestic Discipline, Big/little roleplay– I love it all.

But I have other interests as well. Although they are probably not as pronounced fetishes, these things get me hot too: Bondage, other types of impact play, takedown scenes, sensation toys — and just plain being naked. I’m not a “spanking purist” and I enjoy much of the variety that the sharper side of pleasure can produce.

So imagine my surprise when, ironically, the only thing I really felt like doing at this all encompassing BDSM event was get spanked. Oh, and walk around naked. Maybe have an orgasm or two. As far as BDSM goes, however, I didn’t want to be taken into the depths of myself, transcending thresholds of pain until I was I was a human puddle of bruised flesh — only to come out of the other side feeling purified with a sense of catharsis and a renewed sense of strength and spirit.


Honestly, I arrived and…

I just wanted my butt whacked.

So apparently I wasn’t all that kinky during this event. You see, spanking isn’t really all that kinky anymore. Let me explain.

There was an event called the “Wheel of Destiny” which can be summarized as kinky Wheel of Fortune. There were all kinds of ridiculous things on there, some kinky some not. Anal, punching, grappling, making out, electricity, piercing, cake (yes, a slice of cake), a hug, and a something my devious friend Graydancer called “Tar & Feathering” (where the tar was actually maple syrup) were among the list but I noticed that “spanking” wasn’t there.

When I asked about why my favorite fetish wasn’t present I was told the following:

“Oh, spanking isn’t really all that kinky. It’s like… the gateway fetish”.

That stuck with me. It made me think about the “spanking purists” I encountered. Were they not really all that kinky as well? Well, they get together in hotels and convention centers and slap each other’s butts so they’re a little kinky.

Ya think maybe? ;-)

  1. asdf commented on September 19th, 2011:

    I always thought light bondage was the gateway to spanking.

  2. Don Belmont commented on September 19th, 2011:

    Of course it’s kinky. Delightfully so. And fits well with many other fun things. Who wants to be vanilla anyway?


  3. cc commented on September 19th, 2011:

    The way I see it, enjoying it or doing it on occasion probably isn’t kinky. But I’d think, when it reaches the level of being a major part of one’s sexual expression that yeah, it’s a little kinky.

  4. Don Belmont commented on September 20th, 2011:

    Most definitely a gateway. Spankable bottoms are good for so many other delicious things.

  5. Friday Bondage Links Cornucopia #47 – Bondage Blog commented on September 23rd, 2011:

    […] — did you know there are people out there who think spanking isn’t kinky? And who get outraged if you suggest it […]

  6. Bill commented on November 5th, 2011:

    My wife and I haven’t had a serious argument in years, and we both agree that it is largely due to our spanking relationship.

    We were both spanked as kids, though ironically we don’t believe in spanking our own children. Even though it is an effective punishment, the sexual/fetish nature of it and legal issues with child abuse laws, etc., makes it seem far more appropriate for consenting adults.

    It started for us many years ago when a police detective called me to ask about a hit and run. Apparently my car had been seen hitting a parked car and departing the scene. I had no idea what the police officer was talking about, and denied it. I had been in another state on business. I thought nothing of if until i noticed my headlight was cracked two days later. To make a long story short, it was my wife, then fiance, driving the car and my denial to the police put us in a legal pickle. I essentially lied to the police! So, it cost us a fortune in embarrassment and car repair. While i was typing up a letter on the issue, my wife came over and sat in my lap. I guess it just seemed like a good idea at the time, but the combination of her being in my lap and my annoyance at having to spend my night explaining her actions to the police, resulted in my flipping her over my knee. She said something like, “you aren’t going to spank me,” and I explained that it was exactly what I was going to do. I then gave her a few good smacks on her bottom (over her PJ’s). It started a 15 year (and running) spanking relationship.

    Over the years, I have been able to count on my wife “being naughty” about once every six weeks, or so. Sometimes longer, but occasionally more than once in a single week. My wife doesn’t particularly enjoy the spanking itself, but she’s mentioned many times that she much prefers it to arguing like “normal couples.” We actually have very few arguments, and I am almost never mad at her. I have to admit, I sort of like it when she messes up the check book, loses her keys, forgets her purse at a restaurant, etc. The fact that my wife is a professional business women and is frequently on TV makes it more fun. No one who knows us would ever suspect, or believe, that she is spanked on a fairly regular basis. I could make a lot of money selling tickets to her rivals, but we keep it to ourselves.

    Over the years, we’ve progressed from a few quick swats on the pajamas to all nude paddling. We have a “spanking chair” in the bedroom. It normally sits way over in the

  7. Akahane commented on January 11th, 2012:

    Anal is kinky? And spanking isn’t? What kind of backwards planet are these people from?

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