Domestic Discipline Discussion

A reader sent along the link to this discussion of spanking, in which many of the participants share details of their spanking situations. It’s interesting for its domestic discipline flavor and for the many anecdotes, like this one:

My husband started spanking me this year. When I disobey him, upset him, or if he feels I need an attitude adjustment I’ll get a spanking. During the last 5 years, we been fighting a lot. Our marriage was about to fall apart. I was being super bitchy all the time and couldn’t control it. I felt that I didn’t love him anymore and I wanted to leave this marriage. I was miserable. I didn’t know how to make things better. In January ’04, my husband gave me my first spanking for being bitchy. Then he set down the rules for me and told me that I’ll be getting spankings whenever he felt it was necessary. I felt so much better knowing my bounderies. I was no longer miserable. I started feeling guilty about all the past fights and the mean things I’ve said. I knew things would be better from then on and it has been. I realized I do love him a whole lot and I want to be a good wife.

Also interesting are the folks with a religious perspective. I knew in a sort of intellectual way that there are folks, especially of a domestic discipline bent, who find reinforcement for that lifestyle in certain Christian teachings regarding the respective roles of husband and wife, but this is the first tale I’ve heard in which a church has encouraged its members specifically in regard to the spanking of wives:

About ten years ago we began going to a church here in Georgia that I guess qualifies as “conservative.” New members are encouraged to go through a marriage enhancement program.

Our church only discusses this in private counseling. But basically what they teach is that a husband has not just authority but also responsibility to his wife, and that a wife is to submit to that authority. The most loving think someone with authority can do is discipline the person s/he has authority over. So the most loving thing my husband can do is discipline me when I need it!

Our church offers the following guidelines: a spanking should be firm but fair, merciful but memorable. What that means is:

firm – to do what is promised. If I’m SUPPOSED to get spanked for something, I get it. If I’m supposed to get 10, I get 10.

fair – a level of discipline that matches the offence.

merciful – not mean spirited. not in anger.

memorable – a spanking that will come to mind the next time I think about doing whatever it was again.

The church also offers the advice that a woman should be able to accept discipline with “grace and dignity.” When my husband tells me I’m getting one, I am supposed to behave well about it. When the spanking actually comes, I am supposed to do what is expected of me and obey the instructions he gives me.

That means that if Jason tells me to go sit on the bed for a few minutes and that he’ll be there soon, I go sit on the bed. If he tells me to have my pants off when he gets there, I take my pants off and sit on the bed. If he tells me to have the paddle ready, then when he comes up I’m sitting there holding the wooden paddle we have (about three inches wide and six inches long after the handle; it gets used for the most serious of offences and the two holes it has in it make it sting badly.) Personally, I prefer being laid across my husbands lap to any other position he uses; the spankings are usually slower and, most of the time, are just with his hand. And in that position I get the most physical attention during the spanking – a get rubbed more in places I enjoy.

Is any of this sexual? Or erotic? Definitely! And our church acknowledges that. We don’t feel like there’s a contradiction in that. And sex almost always follows.

  1. Deanna Parson commented on May 5th, 2005:

    How do Christian single, attractive women, find men who practice and believe in DD and will guide a woman that is new to this structure, but willing to learn. I am seeking marriage and family ofcourse and am very active in church.

  2. Simon commented on January 27th, 2007:

    Hello Deanna,
    Its not easy to find us. We are here. Most Churches today teach against DD.
    I believe that if it was not to be so, then Gods word would not be so clear and to the point on the matter.
    There is more written about the roles between Husband and wife than any other topic in the Bible.

    And since the Churches today do not teach DD and the proper roles in marriage.Men today do not know what to do,how to behave or how to lead.

    I would enjoy talking with you about DD and the Lord

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