Cracker Barrel Paddle: User Instructions

OK, gentlemen, Carrielily is here to provide you with instructions on how to use the infamous Cracker Barrel Paddle properly. Complete with info on why you’ll want to do the job right:

A couple of weeks ago after CD paddled me I said something like “I just don’t understand all this fear and respect for the CB tournament paddle, it really doesn’t hurt that much!” And ya know those moments where your your words just hang in the air and you wish you could immediately take them back? Yeah, that was one of those moments.

A big “hmmmm, is that right?” look came onto CD’s face and he said to me, “good to know, I’ve been afraid to really swing this thing so I’ve just been snapping my wrist, now I know I can really put some arm into it.” YIKES! So anyway, now instead of a slight stingyness it really f’ing HURTS!!! I think my new name for it is the GDP!!!! LOL! Anyway, so I got a good paddling probably fifteen or twenty hard swats and a verbal scolding and then he stroked my hair and said “okay, kitten it’s over.”

I thanked him and we went back to the futon and picked right up where we left off. Okay, ummmm, wow, the during (the paddling) hurt like hell and I tried to wiggle away at least twice or three times but the after when the guilt was gone and the endorphins kick. . . OMG, did I notice a difference! Um and so did CD! I was much more wet and into it and I came pretty much with the fourth or fifth thrust….

So there’s the straight dope, gentlemen! Cut loose and SWING that thing! You’ll both have more fun.

(I can confirm this from my own experience, although I never could have written it up so engagingly.)

  1. Headteddy commented on June 11th, 2005:

    Agreed Dan! Swing is crucial. I have found that placement is also important as if you hiit the same spot the dearly beloved’s rear will go numb quickly and while the sting will build and stay TD does not find it as stimulating.

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How It Started And How It's Going, The Movie:

Wild Party 2: Five Very Sorry Girls

before and after brutal caning photo
"...thirty vicious cane strokes for each delinquent young woman caught drinking on school grounds..."