Pleasure Before Punishment

The other day I got an email from a somewhat smug-sounding gentleman who wanted to share with me his brilliant new sadistic idea that he had come up with and tested out on his long-suffering submissive wife. I won’t quote the mail — I’m being too sarcastic about it here to do that — but the gist of his story was that his BDSM relationship is, as these things usually are, a little bit complicated. He and his wife have a relationship that is at once a domestic discipline relationship (in which spankings can be a punishment for her) and a sadomasochistic relationship (in which the spankings are often pleasurable for both parties). His novel idea (here I am being sarcastic again, but he certainly thought it was novel) was that if he gave his wife a number of powerful orgasms before he spanked her, he could remove the pleasure element from the spanking itself, making it much stronger punishment. According to his account, this procure was extremely successful, in that it took his wife by surprise, it horrified her, and it greatly intensified the effectiveness (from his perspective anyway) of her punishment.

What I did not have the heart to tell this fellow is that, due the relative simplicity of male sexual response, the procedure he invented for punishing his wife is at least twice as effective when deployed against a male submissive. A man who can sexualize and absorb simply astonishing amounts of pain while his pecker is hard will often turn into a mewling wimp the instant he’s had an orgasm and his sexual excitement and anticipation has deflated. A man who goes to see a professional dominatrix to be caned, who arrives with his dick hard, will probably soak up a pretty damned serious caning, whether or not the professional he is seeing is going to help him do anything about the hard dick afterward or not. (Some do, some don’t, some will, some won’t — or so I hear. I expect it depends on the jurisdiction, the price, the professional in question, and other factors.)

On the other hand, if that same professional hands him a Fleshlight like one of these and runs a little “you don’t deserve to have that dick touch a woman’s pussy” humiliation scene with him until he cums in front of her, and only then does she start caning his ass, he’ll probably be astonished by (a) how much worse the caning will seem to hurt; (b) how much less of it he can take before he has to safeword out; and (c) how much less erotic charge it holds for him in general.

I don’t gather that professional femdom types run scenes like this very often, as it runs rather contrary to the fundamental premise of giving the client what they want, which is erotic pleasure. (Although kinks vary enough that exceptions exist, which is how I’ve heard of this happening at all.) On the other hand, “lifestyle femdom” is a real thing, and when Mistress wants to please Herself rather than the man with the wallet, suddenly the horse has a very different color. Now suddenly she’s in the position of the smug-sounding gentleman with whose mail I introduced this post. Instead of trying to cane through the cast-iron butt cheeks of some lust-crazed male submissive until she can get him into a receptive place where her corrective punishments will even be noticed, this notion of giving him (or making him give himself) an orgasm or two so that his mind will be clear and her punishments will register suddenly begins to seem useful.

Don’t worry, gents, Spanking Blog is not turning into a femdom blog. I’m not a “sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander” kind of guy, and I never have been. But when somebody writes in with a brilliant “new idea” for spanking punishments, one that works at least twice as well for distaff dominants? You know I’m going to say so.

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  1. Fr, commented on August 24th, 2018:

    I think it was either the Disciplinary Wives Club or WHAP (Women wHo Administer Punishment) (or both) that used to suggest giving a man an orgasm before his punishment to make sure that the punishment really was disciplinary and not fun-ishment.

    Nice post.

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