Non-Sexual Blowjobs

Spanking Blog has long taken an editorial position of gentle mockery for all of the people who bend over backwards claiming that spanking isn’t kinky. Apparently self-identifying as kinky causes these people great physical pain in their petards. And I’m like: “Get over it! You’re kinky! And there’s nothing wrong with that.”

I take a similar view with the subset of the spanking kink community who claims that for them, there’s nothing sexual about spanking. I can’t actually contradict these people, because there’s no easy way to measure their arousal (men in this category usually don’t take off their pants) but I don’t generally believe them, either. It’s not that I think they are lying; it’s just, I’m not sure they haven’t fallen into one of several comfortable self-deceptions. There’s no profit in making this claim — it only generates contradiction, plus pissing people off — but whenever I hear a “nothing to do with sex” claim, I typically retain a reserve of quiet internal skepticism.

All of which leads me to the gem of an article Zille DeFeu has found. In fine, she’s found someone arguing at length for the concept of the non-sexual blowjob after a spanking.

No, that phrase doesn’t make any more sense to me than it probably makes to you. Zille’s take is lengthy and entertaining, though. Enjoy!

  1. Carl commented on April 20th, 2010:

    Just for everyone’s kinky interest, there are a fair number of people who recommend a blowjob (or a hand job) for the spankee BEFORE the spanking. The idea, of course being that a spanking hurts more if the recipient isn’t horny. This is most often brought up in “punishment” scenarios.

    My girlfriend and I occasionally spank each other (both switches). We have this fantasy where she ties me up in a position where both my ass and genitals are exposed; then masturbates me against my will before giving me my thrashing. Part of me realizes that I’ll consider this a thoroughly lousy idea right after the spanking starts; but part of me can’t help becoming very turned on at the thought.

  2. Morgrim commented on April 23rd, 2010:

    My thoughts?

    Non-sexual blowjob? Okay, what drugs was that author taking?
    Non-sexual play (I can’t call myself a member of the spanking community, I feel)? Most definitely.
    Non-kinky play? Umm… yeah, that’d be where the snag is.

    I can’t speak for others, but I know a lot of the things I find interesting may not be directly related to sex and can be toyed with that others that I would never consider sexual acts with. But it STILL carries that underlying thrill and frission. If that makes any sense.

  3. Don Belmont commented on April 28th, 2010:

    I have no need to challenge anyone’s self view. But the idea of non-sexual spanking does not compute for me. Now, I have spanked women on request who did not want sexual contact for any number of reasons. But their arousal was obvious even if not acted upon. ANd while I might have mantained a non-sexual behavior I surely enjoyed thee view sexually. And always enjoyed masturbating afterward once it was appropriate for me to do so.

    I am kinky, happily so.

  4. Zille Defeu commented on April 28th, 2010:

    SpankBoss — I knew if anyone would enjoy my post, it’d be you! :)

    Carl — Eeek! You have cruel fantasies! Why is it always those mean, mean fantasies that turn us on the most?!

    Morgrim — Nah, the author of the original post wasn’t on drugs, I don’t think. If she was anything it was brainwashed into a cult or simply so repressed that she was trying to make other repressed people join her. It’s funny how, when you stop being repressed, you stop caring about what other people do!

    The definition of “sexual” is where the big problem lies. I fully believe you can have a scene and not have sex-as-defined-by-the-dictionary, even fantasies where no “sexual activities” occur, but that doesn’t make those things less related to “sex” for you. They’re just your kind of preferred sex. To me, “that underlying thrill and frission” is the very most important part of sex, not what the actual activities are!

    Don — As someone who has her fair share of fantasies where a “punishment” is non-sexual, there is a place for that desire (to role-play or live out CP in an environment or scenario where sex would spoil the fantasy and the goal). But that said, the whole drive to being doing that sort of thing IS sexual, and most people do end up masturbating about it afterwards (before, even!) and so even when it may look non-sexual on the surface, I strongly believe there is always an element of sexuality involved.

    ————————-

    Thanks for linking to me, SpankBoss. And I’m you all enjoy my post and it’s spurred some interesting conversation!

  5. Pete commented on October 11th, 2012:

    I laughed my head off when I read your post, but you’re not quite fair. It doesn’t say the BJs are not sexual; it says that they aren’t “overtly” sexual. That’s one big exploding difference. :D

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