Skilled Wank-O-Scope Operator

Anybody who has spent any time writing an adult blog has probably received a communication — usually an email or an irrelevant blog post comment — from somebody who writes at length about their own highly-specific fantasy and then fishes for some kind of detailed feedback. I get these all the time at Spanking Blog, deleting them left and right. I’ve long suspected there’s a fetish out there — perhaps related to exhibitionism — for describing one’s kink to a stranger, and/or engaging them in conversation about it, or somehow inducing them to write about it. “Hey, would you write me some wank material please?” (Only, they usually don’t even say “please”.)

For some reason the people who have this fetish (or, at least, the ones I hear from) seem to have issues with comprehending boundaries and appropriate contexts, which tends to make their missives seem creepy, weird, inappropriate, gross, or some combination of these. Understand, I’m not talking about the people who comment on a blog post to share the hot ideas it gave them or their own accounts of doing something similar; that’s just normal conversation in this context. Nope, I’m talking about people who dive deep into the goopy details of their own detailed fantasy, without anything to contexualize the conversation or explain why they foolishly imagine I might want to participate in it with them.

If you’re not following me, Mistress Matisse has just republished a classic example of the genre, plus her inimitably humorous response. And, yes, it’s an “I need a spanking” email in its broadest outlines…

  1. Girl commented on September 25th, 2009:

    Oh, these are brilliant. I have have knowledge of people in a specific career who have to deal with this all the time. Working-girls often have to cope with jerks calling them then going into the deep dark details of their desires, illustrating and designing elaborate scenes, making arrangements with the girl, and then never following through. It’s a waste of phone minutes and occassionally other kinds of money. Very frustrating.

    I can say almost for certain that this must be a form of kink, as I’ve also encountered it on dating sites, wherein a young (or not young) gentleman goes into the deepest of detail about his fantasies on first communication. How utterly bizarre.

    Yes, I must agree, there is almost undeniably a kink related to sharing one’s very detailed fantasies with strangers.

    Cheers

  2. john commented on September 29th, 2009:

    Dear Dan,

    People emailing you their fantasy are not, IMO, GENERALLY engaged in a separate fetish; rather, they are seeking acceptance and validation of their existing spanking fetish.

    It is difficult for someone to accept THEMSELVES and their spanking desires: the risk of telling someone else are very high for most: they already feel bad about having the desires….if they tell someone else and are ridiculed, then they feel even worse and heap shame on shame.

    What many may be looking for is some sort of validatation. These people (guys?) don’t have a Bethanie to go spank. They have either nobody or a partner who will not play and thinks they are weird.

    That doesn’t mean, of course, that you have to be their therapist!

    John

  3. SpankBoss commented on September 29th, 2009:

    No, John, I get those letters frequently as well. There’s a distinct difference in tone between somebody who is talking about their fantasies and somebody who is trying to involve me (or whomever) in them.

    The level of detail is one of the key indicators here. A chatty letter about how somebody likes (or would like to) spank somebody is one thing; a blow-by-blow description, complete with dramatis personae and stage lighting directions, is quite another. Also, the people looking for acceptance and validation always ask (or apologize) in the prefatory material of their emails; the ones who are performing just dive right in and assume I’ll engage with them in detail.

  4. john commented on September 29th, 2009:

    Dan,

    I think you have a point here: I don’t get these letter (thank goodness) and I would guess that they authors are stuck with no outlet.

    STAGE direction and lighting? WOW. Perhaps they are frustrated writers or screenwriters.

    It still occurs to me that if they had someone to spank that they would not be emailing this stuff to you. Reminds me of some of the older guys I know that are forever emailing me nostalgia links about when men were men, cars were build by craftsmen, and airplanes were real flying machines. Most of them never had a 1967 Corvette in high school (like I did) and don’t realize that you really do not get more girls in bed…you just get more tickets and repair time!

    Thanks again for the great web site.

    John

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