Finding Kinky People

Her advice on finding kinky people may seem obvious on the surface — it could be boiled down to “get your butt out there” — but it’s still important and righteous advice. This bit from the intro to Mistress Matisse’s column this week gives the flavor:

So, you—or, perhaps, you and your partner—have kinky desires but no idea where to go with them. Here’s how to find out where the other kinky folks are.

If I had anything to add to her advice, it would be a caveat that (as she herself acknowledges) her suggestions are limited in utility for more rural kinky persons. The phrase she uses at one point is “if you live in a reasonably urban area” and the key concept there is “reasonable”. I’ll say what she only hinted at: beyond a certain point, it’s simply not reasonable to pursue kinky interactions in too small a town, or in no town at all. You might get lucky (I did, and I’ve offered advice myself on finding kinky love from the middle of nowhere by online means more useful than the traditional personals sites) but a truly reasonable plan is going to require, eventually, moving to where the kinky people are.

I put it fairly mildly in my advice:

If you get him, you or he will almost certainly end up having to move — but that’s the price you pay for enlisting the awesome power of the internet to fix your love life.

Dan Savage’s recent column collecting advice to young gay people put it a bit more bluntly:

If you live in a little town: Get the fuck out. Move to a big city where there’re lots of people who are gay. You’ll have more dating options, and people will treat you with more respect.

It’s good advice for kinky people, too.

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