What’s Good About Spanking

When I first saw the movie “The Secretary”, I remember being annoyed that they’d portrayed the main female character as essentially crazy, and given her a self-destructive cutting habit to show it.

Little did I know.

Since then, I’ve read a lot of BDSM blogs, and discovered that a remarkable percentage of girls who like spanking or more serious BDSM games used to cut themselves. This next quote is from one such. I’m quoting her because I am always interested in what women get from their spankings. Desiree writes:

I think about my ass. It’s warm. It’s soft. It’s unmarked. It’s not sore. It hasn’t been sore for many months. I think of an equation. A spanking is better than anything I’ve ever tried. A pleasure unlike any other. It’s way better than cutting. I get the relaxation. The repose. The floaty feeling, without the scars I have to hide, the guilt, and the shame. It’s so much nicer than muscle relaxants. Everything on me relaxes after a spanking, and stays relaxed for days afterwards. I sleep better. It’s warmer too. Nothing heats things up like a nice spanking. Pills don’t do that. Canings work on frustration and anger too. They make you feel good afterwards, way better than a triple dose of Paxil or Celexa.

By the time I got to my third spanking that first night, I was practically begging with huge puppy dog eyes to be caned.

For the first time in ages, I could relax. I woke up the next morning happy. I’d drifted off to sleep that night feeling delicious. I felt decadent and disgustingly gorgeous for three days. That was how long it took for the welts from the caning to go down.

There is pleasure in the kiss of the cane. No pain. It hurts, but it’s not pain. It’s delicious. It’s magical. I can cum in shudders from having my nipples slapped over and over with the top of a riding crop or the tongue of a belt.

I can remember one late Friday night at a fetish club in the city. It was my first experience with a single tail. I could feel it flicker and lick along the expanse of my ass. After a while N—- came around to me and lifted my chin, telling me to open my eyes. He was doing the standard safety check to make sure I was still with him. I was, but I was also riding each and every wave. I was lost in a haze of sheer pleasure. It had long since stopped being pain. He nodded and stroked my hair, telling me to let myself go and just float with him. He didn’t have to tell me twice.

The razor blade may have made me float after it was all said and done, but this was so very different. So very beautiful. This was the difference between masturbating and having awesome sex with someone who knew my body better than I did.

There’s more — much more — because when Desiree writes, she writes at length.

  1. A'marie commented on March 10th, 2005:

    I was disappointed with Secretary. The message seemed to be: you can only be into these kinky things if you’re emotionally disturbed.

    It’s been some time since I saw it, so perhaps I’m remembering incorrectly.

  2. Becky commented on March 10th, 2005:

    I love Secretary, and although I did groan a bit at the cutting thing (despite the fact that I used to do it and now get so much more from spanking, but never mind) I thought she was portrayed as a strong woman who knew what she wanted, which impressed me.

  3. aniria commented on March 10th, 2005:

    Just watched Secretary again last night. I don’t think she is crazy… I think she is a sensitive person lost in a world that does not understand her. The spanking scene is hot, but the bath scene is beatiful, poetic and oh-so-romantic, she has finally found a person who understands and care.

  4. J commented on March 10th, 2005:

    Like D.R., I also have a scar. Two of them, actually, on the back of my left hand, from when I used to be seriously depressed. Not from trying to do myself permanent harm, but because I wanted to know what it felt like if I actually did break the skin.

    But just like the guy who got turned into a newt, I got better.

    Still, even as a top, I still enjoy a bit of masochism every now and then — not so much for the pain, but for the cessation of it.

  5. mel commented on March 10th, 2005:

    I wanted to try to explain something about self-injury that it seems to me that a lot of people don’t understand. It is a coping mechanism for most people. It is a way for some of us (and I was included in this for about 6 years) who can’t feel anything at all because life itself hurts so much…that that second of sensation is the only connection we have. Self-injury is closely tied in with depression and past abuse. I burnt myself to wake myself up, almost, to feel something that I was in charge of. I cut myself so I didn’t feel like I needed to kill myself. It got me through the kind of mind-numbing depression that most people believe is an exaggeration, except it was my life. Self-injury is about survival.

    And for me, at least, spanking is about fun and feeling good. If I ever started to see myself using my spankings in that same way I have used lighters and razor blades, I would worry, because that would be a) ruining something I really enjoy, and b) manipulating someone I care about into aiding my self-destruction. So I tend to think there needs to be an integral difference between the two.


  6. Kimmie commented on March 10th, 2005:

    I never made the association between cutting and spankings. I used to cut myself, as in disciplining myself. And I have been into spanking(discipling and pleasure) since I quit cutting myself. Interesting.

  7. D.R. commented on March 10th, 2005:

    Its a certain connection, that is to be sure.

    As far as the film goes, if the characters were not depicted as having a motivation for their behavior the entire story would have been bunk.

  8. Mija commented on March 10th, 2005:

    I was just going to say the same thing D.R. Stable, well-adjusted people don’t make for good drama.

    I loved the film — it’s beautifully shot and I really like the way Mr. Grey was portrayed as flawed –it’s so rare for the top / dom to have more than 1 dimension.

  9. D.R. commented on March 10th, 2005:

    I suppose that it wouldn’t be out of place to say that I am a male dom with a nice little scar on my wrist, along the vein. Taking responsibility and dishing out discipline for my girl is not only for her benefit.

  10. John commented on March 10th, 2005:

    Adults spanking adults almost always is an act of sexual foreplay. I agree with A’marie, the spanking in Secetary was erotic, but semed out of context. Such a spanking should have evolved into a spanking relationship. Thank you A’marie.

  11. sandy commented on March 10th, 2005:

    I was in an abusive relationship and yes i was mixed up and did try cutting myself when I couldnt cope.I know I have a few mental problems yet I am a strong woman.Mental health is something some of us inherit from our genes.
    Spanking is a release for me.I need it when I get all crabby.But I also need the scolding and the careing.
    I watched the Secretary three times. I found it intresting not at all entertaining.
    The Dom seemed to have mental problems too…which I didnt like.He was not at all strong comanding and careing which I would always look for in a Dom.

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