Talking To Mom About Spanking

No, really, the sexy kind. Metafilter has this really incredible set of links to the forums on, consisting of transcripts of hilarious phone conversations a kinky man has with his mother, after (1) she has taken a job in a sex shop; (2) she has discovered her son is kinky, and (3) she’s met a submissive man with a foot fetish. Just one small sample:

Mom: I think I might be what they call a switch.

Me: What?!

Mom: Well, I’m not really sure. Will you answer a question?

Me: Sure, soon as I’m done spewing my lunch up.

Mom: Stop it, Kirk. You don’t know how upset I’ve been with you for finding this out about you. (You? You?! Wtf? It’s all about you, isn’t it.)

Me: I know you mom, but what’s done is done, and what is- is exactly the opposite of what ain’t.

Mom: Well at least you’re not like the customers in the store.

Me: I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing. Why do you think you’re a switch?

Mom: Because when your father and I used to go away on camping trips, I really liked being spanked.

Me – … (My life expectancy is seriously dwindling here.)

Mom: Well? Doesn’t that mean I might be a switch?

Me: … Is nothing sacred to you?

Mom: For petes sake, kirky. You have NO IDEA how hard it is to think that YOU are like this! And now, Iím caught up in it! I went to church on Sunday and I had to leave in the middle!

Me: Yah, I hate those conflicting church/spanking schedules.

Mom: That’s not funny.

Me: Neither is the thought of dad spanking you. (Remember your first roller coaster ride? And all the nausea that accompanied it?)

Mom: Well it was fun at the time. (I can HEAR her smiling. This is just evil.)

One might be forgiven for doubting whether these transcripts match actual phone calls, but there’s a certain undeniable “nobody could make that up” flavor to the things.

Thanks to Daze Reader for the link.

  1. Invidia commented on March 10th, 2005:

    ROTFLMAO!!! Absolutely hilarious and worth the read, but I have to agree with Bear above – phoney as a three dollar bill.


  2. A bear of little brain commented on March 10th, 2005:

    I read through this “conversation with
    Mom”. As the conversation continued
    and got wilder and wilder, it was
    also clear that it was fake. An
    amusuing piece of fiction.

  3. Spankboss commented on March 10th, 2005:

    Well, that’s one bear’s opinion….

  4. Spankboss commented on March 10th, 2005:

    This from the woman who argues that there’s a huge secret cabal of closeted male slash fans nobody has ever seen. ;)

  5. Invidia commented on March 10th, 2005:

    How could I have been so mistaken? Reading all those comments below about the hoardes of female slash fans that show themselves in public make me completely certain that there couldn’t possibly be any male fans at all. Really, what could I have been thinking? The anonymous people have spoken and told me how it really is. I must be more careful to do my research before I post skepticism in the future.

    Smell that? (It’s sarcasm.)

    I love you anyway!


  6. Spankboss commented on March 10th, 2005:

    It’s obviously been far too long since The Boss had his hands (and whatnot) on you. Fortunately, that’s a deficiency soon to be remedied….

  7. Scott commented on March 10th, 2005:

    Who cares if it is fake or not?

  8. LittlePixie commented on March 10th, 2005:

    that is brilliant. was riveted to the monitor for all of those.. and im not so sure if its fake either. the 2nd to last post seems very genuine. so maybe he embelished a little here and there. so what its great all the same


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