Get Yer Hardwood Switches!

Lisa and Frank are selling yummy-looking hardwood switches in maple, birch, ash, and cherry. Frank, the helpful soul, also offers an instructional DVD starring
“Lisa’s ass (and her thighs, front and back) not to forget her tits.” With “Lively Sound” and “Pretty Marks!”

I don’t get a cut (heh) for flogging (double heh) their shopping link, although Frank might have to send me a free sample when he hears what Bethie had to say. I was reading the DVD description aloud to her (and chortling) which prompted her to say, repeatedly: “Oooh, I’m going to have to kill that man….” I guess my reading was a little too enthusiastic. Where I live, I can cut the birch switches myself, but we don’t have the other hardwoods. So perhaps she thinks she’s safe. (Imagine my evil laughter here.)

Here’s what Lisa has to say about this whole idea:

Yesterday, M. took me on a walk through the woods, where we found lots of mushrooms (that I still need to make something with), but the trip itself was surreal. I was naked, without even having clothes in a backpack like last time. He pulled me about by the leash, and for a while had me walking around with a striped maple switch in my mouth, which he later gave me a quick beating with.
For some reason, when he complained that the bugs were bad, instead of getting outraged (because I was the one who was naked), this image popped into my head and helped me hold my tongue. I bet M. would love to have me like that, I thought, except I’d be naked and on a leash. I think it was when M. told me to find a market for striped maple that brought it all to mind.

M. strapped me into Ms. Patty today for a demonstration of exactly how switches made from striped maple saplings should be used. Much of the session is blurry in my mind, because I think he pushed me pretty hard, though he says he still could push me much further. I seem to remember him hitting exactly the spot I love so much at one point though, and I had an orgasm from it. He also hit the spot at the top of my thighs that I hate hate hate and I screamed from that eventually.

Here, Master. Perhaps this is your market for striped maple?

I introduce the Striped Maplechist, complete with instructional video. (pronounced maple-kissed. Sort of like masochist, but different) I just wish we could sell enough that I’d look like that chick with the piles of switches on her back. I can attest to their potency. I’m still sitting quite gingerly, actually. I think everyone needs one for their umbrella stand, if nothing else!

Oh, I must agree!

Update. Bethie looked at the pictures of the switches, and said: “You know what those switches look good for? Cooking hotdogs on an open fire!”

Well, I’m sure they are good for cooking something, dear.

  1. Lisa commented on March 10th, 2005:

    I agree with Bethie, they look good for something, perhaps roasting marshmallows, or kindling wood! I think any part of a tree should be left out in the woods – though I sadly admit I am having trouble convincing my husband!!

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