This Is The Life

Yesterday morning was pretty close to unbeatable. It went down sorta like this.

I woke up early, and snuggled for a bit with Bethie, who was still sound asleep. Got up, made a pot of coffee, and puttered around on the computer, posting the blog post below and doing this and that.

Doorbell rings. Huh? Ah, postman. What’s this? A box from Eros Boutique, and it clanks and jingles most promisingly. They had sent me an email inquiring whether I wanted some review goodies, and I had allowed as to how my girlfriend wanted a leather paddle.

Rip tear shred rip rustle tear shred. Box open. Sure enough! The Gentle Persuasion Paddle. Thick, supple black leather, smells good, nice fleece on the back side for surprise tactile rewards. Surprisingly large, surprisingly heavy, very promising. Yum. This is going to be fun.

On cue (no Hollywood director could have timed it better!) comes a sleepy voice from the bed:

“What you got there, dear?” (There is a ripple in the water.)

“Oh, nothing, just a box from Eros Boutique.” (I waft the fly gently over the ripple.)

“Bring it here, I want to see too….” (Splash! Fish on!)

So I dutifully repaired to the bed with my box, demanded one of the three pillows she was hogging so I could sit upright in comfort, waited for her to clear the sleep from her eyes, and produced the paddle. I could see in her eyes, she liked the sight of it. Since she was on her side with a hip and part of a buttock conveniently in range, I gave her a few quick light slaps. That produced an immediate faint rosy glow and a pleased smile on her face. I brought the paddle back toward my face to inspect it, when “Hey! Don’t I get to feel the other side, too?” (Remember, this thing has a fleece side.)

Ladies and gentlemen, I can now report that the fleece side of a heavy paddle makes an interesting muffled “thwock” sound when it strikes human flesh.

That earned me a dirty look. So I shook the box. Clank clonk jingle rattle. Sounded like a hardware store in a box. She had to ask, she’s a girl and they are curious like kittens. “What else is in there?”

“What else” turned out to be the Wrist – Ankle Spreader. I was stunned; this is high quality bondage gear of the sort you used to see a lot of in the bondage magazines. No “broomstick painted black with screw-eyes in the ends” here! This thing is telescoping steel tubing of decent weight with a steel hinge on each end that rotates in two dimensions to protect the attached ankles or wrists from getting torqued at funny angles. The hinge attaches to lockable leather cuffs made of thick high quality leather – the sort of cuffs having a lot of narrow slots in the leather, one of which settles over a metal loop through which you can put a padlock (not included). The cuffs are riveted to the curved endplates attached to the hinges, so any sideways pressure against the ends of the spreader is well distributed. Very nice.

So I flopped Bethie onto her front and attached the spreader to her ankles. That spread her legs far enough that I could reach a bit of inner thigh as I played with my new paddle, and it also kept her a little less mobile during her wiggling. After she was nice and red (Q: “How does it feel?” A: “Stingy….” Q: “Do you like it?” A: “Yeah….”) I helped her roll over, which was tricky but possible with care and assistance. Then I lifted the middle of the spreader bar, which gave me a whole new angle on her bottom and inner thighs. She doesn’t like having her thighs spanked so much, but that novel display was too good to pass up, so she was out of luck … although I did rub with the fleece side between swats, which she seemed to appreciate.

So I did that for awhile, and began to regret having left her panties on before attaching the spreader. And she began to cast about for ways to distract me, and hit upon the suggestion that I let her loose so she could cook us breakfast. I wavered (there were forces in play more important than my stomach, if you can believe it) but she claimed hunger, and I relented. I took the spreader bar off, and let her stand up.

But once she was standing up, I pulled down her panties, bent her over the bed, and said “I want to see what this thing will do if I really swing it. This will only take a few minutes.”

With my full arm behind that paddle, the big surface area of leather turns out to make a noise like Thor’s own thunder. It also produces a great deal of wriggling and squealing and “please oh please ouch” noises, which I generally prefer to interpret as requests to continue. (The paddle could stand to be just a smidge stiffer in the handle when used this way, but that’s a very minor quibble.)

So then I stopped and let her straighten up, and she kisses me. And kisses me. And grabs me in a most friendly fashion. (Never let anybody tell you that boxer shorts don’t have certain advantages over briefs.) And pushes me over on the bed. “I thought you were hungry and wanted to make us breakfast?” “Shush, this will only take a few minutes.”

Mmmmmmm. Unluckily for you, this ain’t a sex blog.

And then she did make me French Toast.

I ask you, how could a morning go better than that? I do believe I should put the fine folks at Eros Boutique on my Christmas card list.

  1. Sarah commented on March 10th, 2005:

    I want that spreader bar. I wonder what I will have to do to convince Him He wants it too.

  2. Spanking commented on March 10th, 2005:

    loved the review.. I am definatly going to have to go there myself and purchase some goodies to use for our next photo and video shoots :)

  3. Bethie commented on March 10th, 2005:

    I love the spreader bar and the paddle! I couldn’t believe someone sent us such wonderful toys. I’m so happy! :)

    Sarah, maybe if you show him Spankboss’ review he’ll decide he wants one, too. Does he like French Toast? ;)

  4. Sarah commented on March 10th, 2005:

    Bethie, He is a boy, He pretty much eats anything so long as I cook it for Him!

    I have written out a list of all the reasons He would enjoy a subby in a sreader bar. I think Christmas may come a little early around here.

    Smiles ever so innocently

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