Advice Columnist “Gets It” On Spanking

Dan Savage, a kink-positive gay guy who writes the justly notorious “Savage Love” sex advice column, got the standard “How can I get my husband to spank me?” question:

I look at spanking pages on the Internet; it’s becoming a bit of an obsession. I asked my husband to spank me and he has, a couple of times. I’m afraid that if I tell him how much I like it, he’ll think I’m weird or freaky, but I’m also afraid of not getting the spankings I crave. How do I tell him? I asked him what his fantasies are, but he says he hasn’t got any. Is this possible? —Please Answer This

It’s entirely possible that your husband has no fantasies, PAT. The sexually frustrated, kinky person in a straight relationship is not always the husband or the boyfriend. Sometimes it’s the girlfriend or the wife. So you want spankings but you don’t want your husband to think you’re weird or freaky. Sorry, PAT, but that’s impossible. Until you take responsibility for your fetish—until you let your husband know just how weird and freaky you are—you’re never going to get the spankings you crave. So how do you tell him? Like this: “Remember those few times you spanked me? It was great. I loved it. It turned me on so much. I love being spanked. I want you to spank me on a semi-regular basis. And whenever you bend me over your knee and call me a bad girl and tan my ass good, I promise to fuck your freaking brains out. Is it a deal?”

I’d classify that as a brusque version of the standard answer: “Just ask him, and make sure he understands it’s gonna be well worth his while!”

However, I refuse to believe than any man has no fantasies. “I don’t have any fantasies” is code for “I’m afraid to tell you because you’ll think I’m sick and weird and you’ll never want to have sex with me again.”

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