“The Age of Duckie Training has Arrived!”

Quack! I’m laughing so hard I’m not sure I’ll be able to post this. Here’s a guy with a whole new outlook on the master/slave game:

All praises to that most misunderstood and heavily lubricated of all sex toys, the butt plug! Our little pear-shaped friend that goes places where no toy has gone before. Our multi-colored and unyielding cohort in things that go bump in the backdoor night. Yes, the lowly butt plug may look like Willard Scott in a latex body suit, but for sheer ease of use and perfection in single-minded purpose, there is no other toy more capable of getting a subbie’s attention while allowing a tired Dominant to take a rest and watch a little TV.

Lubricate, insert, and let the nature take its course! What could be easier, what could be more pure in intention and design, what could become more boring more quickly?

So, you ask, “what can I do to return the butt plug to its rightful place as a tool of pain, pleasure and humiliation in my subbie’s jaded little bottom?”. The answer, my quizzical friends, lies in the design of the butt plug itself.

Remember how people used to remind themselves of important events and tasks back in the days before PDAs? The venerable string around the finger… outdated as a tool of memory reinforcement, you say? Crap, I say!

The butt plug base was designed to hold string, dental floss, thin copper wiring, extra long spaghetti, and even uncut link sausage (if you’re into raw meat edge play).

Once the string is knotted firmly around the butt plug base, lube and insert as usual. And now, the fun begins!

Make certain your butt plug string is long enough to reach the ground. Now, it’s time to open the kitchen cabinets and childhood toy box to see what tickles your Dominant fancy (and horrifies your submissive’s ego).

But for pure Domly impact, nuthin’ beats the sight of a butt plug string tied to a toy duck mounted on wobbly wheels that produce a distinctive quacking sound with each motion.

Let’s face it, fetish fans… pony training is passe’. The scene is overridden with herds of poorly coordinated pony girls running in circles with tin dung buckets attached to their haunches. Pony players, wake up and smell the oats…. pony training is taking a dirt nap. The age of duckie training has arrived!

Dom Rule #140: “Where Goes Thy subbie, Goes Thy Duckie”

Break out the crop and swat your butt plugged subbie through your home, dungeon, or furnished apartment. Where your subbie goes, Mr. Quackers follows! The sound of Mr. Quackers’ angry cry will make your subbie’s anus cringe in delight!

Start small. A few quacking trips around the dungeon will tire an untrained subbie. Practice, practice, practice. Remember, Rome wasn’t Dommed in a day!

Soon, your subbie will be ready to take Mr. Quackers for an outdoors walk. Nuthin’ says sub space like a Sunday stroll down the Boulevard with a quacking toy duckie attached to your butt plug string!

Ow. My sides still hurt from the laughing. This is excerpted from D/s For Dumbells by one Dork E. Dom, who has much much more like this at his website.

  1. Donna commented on August 18th, 2007:

    Very well written and pretty hilarious!

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