A Submissive’s Rules

These were floating around on USENET a while back:

The Rules:

1. I will not hum the theme from Jeopardy while Master decides which implement
to spank me with.
2. I will not annotate Master’s “To Do” list.
3. I will not applaud when Master uses big words.
4. Master’s dog does NOT stink.
5. I will not genuflect at Master’s erection.
6. Master does NOT hog the bed.
7. I will not refer to Master’s kitty as “snake food.”
8. I will not snigger at the pronunciation of Master’s commands.
9. I will not perform a ventriloquist act with Master’s penis.
10. I will not imitate Master’s accent.
11. Master’s chair is not to be used to pile my clutter.
12. I will keep my leopard print sheets laundered so that Master is not
subjected to “those flowery things.”
13. I will not yawn while waiting for Master to climax.
14. I will not chew my collar.
15. I will not giggle during paddlings.
16. I will not propose letter grades when Master belches.
17. I will not snarl when Master asks me to share my chocolate.
18. I will not tell Master he has permission to fuck me.
19. I will not say “good boy” to Master.
20. I will not make shadow puppets in the candlelight while Master is tying me
21. I will not critique how Master ties me up.
22. I will not masturbate after Master falls asleep.
23. I will not go out-of-state when borrowing Master’s car during lunch.
24. When Master is kind enough to bring me a cup of tea, I will not call him
“the tea fairy.”
25. No matter how much Master adores me, he does not get down on his knees to
do so.
26. I will not yell at the other slaves.
27. I will not change the settings on Master’s alarm clock.
28. I will not deliberately mispronounce words to confuse Master.
29. It is unlikely that Master pushed all the covers onto my side of the bed so
he could shiver all night.
30. If I don’t like the settings on Master’s car radio, I can drive my own car.
31. I will not tell Master to go away.
32. I will not accuse Master of being gay when he arranges his driftwood in
“artistically pleasing ways.”
33. Or his candles.
34. Or his doilies.
35. I am always the spankee; I am never the spanker.
36. I will keep my greasy fingertips off Master’s computer screen.
37. I will not eat Master’s leftovers without permission.
38. When asked how many spanks my misbehavior warrants, I will not answer using fractions.
39. I will not write on Master’s back the night before his doctor’s
40. I will not play connect-the-dots with Master’s moles.
41. I will not make lengthy “to do” lists for Master.
42. On second thoughts, I WILL applaud when Master uses big words (this
overrides rule 3).
43. Hooting and whistling, however, is excessive.
44. Master is the judge of whether or not I am a moron.
45. I will be spanked if I leave the caps off Master’s pens.
46. If it becomes obvious that I’m deliberately leaving the caps off Master’s
pens, I will not be spanked. Even if I beg.
47. A warm Master is a happy Master.
48. I will not hoot with laughter when Master accidentally whacks himself on
the back of the head with the flogger.

  1. Heather commented on June 12th, 2007:

    I LOVE this…going to have to share this with my fellow tomorrow

    *mumbles something about Master DOES hog the bed*

  2. Data Coage commented on December 11th, 2008:

    ja ja .. *laughs* Live ain`t easy.
    A lot of work to get attention.
    Must be a cheecky one like my bottom. *grin*
    Never boring eh?

  3. Sage commented on June 29th, 2009:

    Nyaa… Mistress loved this when I showed it to her… I wonder if she has any pens…

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